i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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