i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize