A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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