R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
