why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
