Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
