If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
