I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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