my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
