I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
