Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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