I think my fart just growled at me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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