like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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