wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
