You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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