She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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