Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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