YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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