We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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