What did we do last night that was yellow?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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