Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
