Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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