I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
