flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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