sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
where are my eyebrows?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
