"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
