1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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