i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
