my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
