yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
