There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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