this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
