Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize