Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
