brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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