sarcasm needs its own font
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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