Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
