Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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