You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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