She's JV to your varsity
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
