Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
