ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
