I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
