Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize