I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
