I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize