Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
