Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
