oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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