Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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