Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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