You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
