I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
