Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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