I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
