maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
