So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
