im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His hands were made for my vagina.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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