Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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