Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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