People in love make me want to vomit
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
