My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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