Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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