i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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