You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
