Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
