Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
