Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
