He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dignity is for republicans.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
