Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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