This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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