so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
