just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
