Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
