Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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