I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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