I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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