is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i came on her dog
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
